I did a lot this month; more than I thought I could, more than I thought I would, and with all the things I did, I only wonder what more it is I’ll do.

I wanted routine, less spending, more hobbies, and late-night dance parties with myself that would make me feel a type of joy all the money in the world couldn’t buy. And what I ended up getting just so happened to be something I never could have imagined.

Romance.
I got romance.

Somehow, by choosing to trust the process and being willing to sit in the mud that comes with new hobbies and habits, I managed to reveal such a beauty to life that often gets swept under the rug. For me, life’s always been a fight to be good at this or great at that and if I couldn’t manage to be either, it just simply wasn’t worth my time.

The more I think about it, the more I realize how fragile I was when it came to giving up; one dent and I was broken; one twist and I called uncle.

There’s a harsh reality that comes from basing your life on that kind of ideology and it’s that one day you just get to the point where nothing’s ever worth your time, but time is just about the one thing everything asks you for.

So, this month I decided to change how I viewed worth efining value, and the by redresult of that new equation became romance.

I’ve chosen to no longer base the value of something by whether or not I’m good at it, but rather, how I feel doing it. Being good doesn’t always equal feeling good but now feeling good is the new thing that matters.

I feel good when I play the handpan.
I feel good when I write.
I feel good when I’m testing out new recipes.
I feel good when I dance.

And whether or not I’m good at those things, I’ve chosen to do them anyway, because it makes me happy.

I’ve managed to infiltrate the code of romance and explode it onto every piece of life I have.

And then there’s more…

I managed to put away roughly $1400 towards my financial aid for schooling this month which took a lot of discipline and willpower, but I’d say I’ve got a pretty strong why to keep me going.

I may not have built a morning routine, but I sure did craft a night routine so legendary that it puts me to bed wanting more; more of life, of living — all if it meant I could experience the nighttime just one more time.

It’s so romantic that it’s even cheesy. That’s how giggly-happy I am when I think about my life. So happy that its annoying; that it’s dramatic; that it’s “not possibly real.”

It is.

I juggled around so many hobbies; crafting, filming, editing, writing; playing my handpan, testing new recipes, running —

living,
as if I had everything I’ve always ever wanted.

And just wait until I secure a morning routine; I can only imagine how good that’ll feel.

It’s worth waiting for…

Romantic.

And boy, did I dance. I danced like nobody was watching, like really, like nobody was watching. I danced out of step, out of tune; I danced ugly and never felt better.