“To be, or not to be, that is the question.”
Shakespeare, Hamlet

My sister likes to remind me I have more money than I think I do, more money than I like to believe I do, and definitely more money than I say I do, and as much as I’d like to deny that that’s not actually the case, the reality is, she’s right.

And she especially likes to drop this little bombshell reminder when she’s trying to convince me not to turn away opportunities simply because I express financial concerns.

I’ll say things like, “Oh no, I can’t afford that,” and she’ll respond with, “You could last week when you were buying that nine-hundred-dollar handpan.” Or I’ll mention something along the lines of, “That’s not feasible for me,” and she’ll reply, “It was when you bought that thousand-dollar camera.”

She really has a way with words, doesn’t she?

Deep down, I know she only does this out of love; she’s gotten a chance to really see the world and experience the beauty behind doing things despite any kind of disposition. For instance, she was able to study abroad for a whole year despite not being able to necessarily afford to and she’s managed to graduate with her bachelor’s degree despite the feasibility.

I mean, she’s really become fluent at beating her odds of doing something and honestly, I really am impressed — enough to say I’m actually proud she’s a minute older than I am, as if that was ever something I grew up needing her to earn.

Well, she did.
And now all she wants is for me to experience these things, too.

And let me be the one to tell you where she’s at right now; she’s in Puerto Rico — without an end date, until the foreseeable future. She was gifted an opportunity to fly out there free of charge as a graduation gift from my parents and she took it.

So now they’re all over there, blessed enough to have inherited a home, currently working out a plan to buy a car, fully intending on establishing a second life for themselves…

Meanwhile I’m sitting behind a computer,
with five days off from work,
and rather than hopping on a plane to go be with them myself,
I’m choosing to live vicariously instead,
simply because I don’t believe I have the money.

I do, but it’s not money I want to spend, it’s money I need to save. And despite it breaking my sister’s heart, I want to believe she’ll be proud of me in the long run, because I’m saving the money for school.

You see, I don’t qualify for financial aid because my husband makes too much, and while he’s a veteran and gets his school paid for, I’m at a loss for my own. However, I don’t mind paying my own way because now I know exactly what I want and it’s not just some flimsy piece of paper, but an actual will to learn; I know now what I want to achieve and that’s worth its weight in gold.

So, I’m sitting behind a computer, acknowledging the blessing that is I can go to Puerto Rico, but I’m choosing not to because I have the utmost confidence that one day I will. One day, I’ll be able to go and acknowledge the life my family has made for themselves and hopefully I’ll even be able to speak fluently the language.

Because that’s what I’m going to school for,
Spanish.

I have a good job, it has purpose, pays well, and I’m even good at what I do; instead of viewing my job from the lens that is it’s a grocery store, I’m choosing to view it from the lens that is it’s an endless grocery store. Filled with endless opportunities that will continue to keep me on my feet, continue to allow me to live my life, and continue to make the messes I so choose to make.

It will continue to love and support me while I find my way in this world without the pressure behind basing my whole life’s value on some career but the characteristics that make me unique and gravitate people in my direction.

Not to mention this grocery store of mine ranked 13 in this year’s Fortune 500 list, so that’s definitely not for nothing.

I know my time is coming; to go abroad and walk the stage at my own graduation ceremony, and when that time comes, it will not be too late, it will not be too early, it will be exactly on time.

And I’m willing to wait for it.

What about you? Are you there yet?

Or are you still on your way?

Think about it.

Cheers,
B.