Tag: heart

Jöön, Productivity & My Intention to Grow.

June 6th, 2025
“Productivity without purpose is just busyness.”

Truth be told, at the moment I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know how to begin this blog post because I genuinely don’t know what I want out of it. I know I want to be productive, but how can I tell when I’m actually being productive or if I’m just being busy?

What’s my why? What do I want? What is it that I’m looking for?

In asking these questions, I’ve compiled a list of the things I’d like to do with my time and ideally by the time Mei comes back around next year, I will have achieved at least… some of them.

And I know what you’re thinking, that just by using the word some implies I’m already playing it safe so that at the end of the day I can say at least I tried, but I mean, shouldn’t I try to be realistic? Or is that sentence alone setting me up for failure? I’ll admit, I’m afraid of daring to dream because on one hand, I know myself and how lazy I can be, but on the other, I know I have the potential and the will to experience life in a more deliberate way; plus, with 365 days a year, 24 hours per day, how could that possibly not be enough time to attempt all the things I’d like to see through? So I asked myself, what would Tomiee Cruise do?

And I guess there’s only one true way to handle this situation… tap into that reward system!

Insert a mischievous smirk.

“By completing this project, I’ll give myself permission to…” *Insert a celebratory dinner, or maybe something from my wish list (but it has to be useful, something I’ll actually use — something that represents me —and aid in one of my four target categories that I’m looking to enhance this year on the blog).

or

“If I see this through, I’ll reward myself with…”

*Insert a trip… to Italy* Ha! Bet you didn’t see that coming.

What, too childish? For what it’s worth, I promise to make the prizes both obtainable and well-earned. That said, I should probably compile a whole thought-out victory blueprint so on the off chance I actually do succeed in whatever it is I’m tackling, I’ll know exactly what comes next and how to celebrate. Take the trip to Italy, for instance. How long should I stay? When will I go? Once I touchdown, what will I do? I’ll need a whole itinerary mapped out—one that makes the journey feel just as intentional as the destination—because a victory that big deserves a celebration just as grand. Of course, at the end of the day, the goal itself is already worth the fight. I just need a little extra push to step beyond the comfort of complacency and into the version of myself I know I’m fully capable of becoming.

I mean it though about that trip to Italy; Eliseo, husband, are you listening? Of course, this reward would only be assigned to the most difficult, most unlikely task to ever be completed or kept up with. Can anyone guess what that task could possibly be?

Okay, pause. For the record, if you manage to get this answer right, it’s only because you truly know me and if so, I both hate you and love you. Because the truth isn’t pretty and I rarely finish what I start.

So, the answer to the question is… this blog.

This idea. This concept of a dream. This real-time account of growth and change. This untainted, untouched, unaltered version of myself I hope to emerge out from underneath the shadows.

It’s scary and the stakes are high. But if I manage to stay true to this blog and consistently post (at least 2x/week) for a YEAR – all while being intentional in all categories that make up this blog (weight, stimulation, productivity, and finance); i.e. the shopping ban, developing real saving habits, the cultivation of a better community that both nurtures and stimulates me, and the maintenance of healthier habits – including daily activity and mindful food choices .

The problem is there’s so much I want to do and despite me just starting out, I already feel so deeply behind. It’s hard for me to believe I’ll be able to manage getting all these things done, but I think that’s what makes using the reward system so endearing. Because at the end of it all, though I hope it won’t actually be the end, not only will I have improved my life in such a significant way, but I’ll get to celebrate by stepping outside of the country for the very first time!

Sounds Tomiee Cruise to me. Bup-bup-bup — Tomiee Cruise.

Tomiee Cruise.

So here they are: my hopes, my dreams, my aspirations.
Little things that would genuinely make me happy to do:
1. I want to dance again, and I especially want to learn the choreography to the scene in Better Man that absolutely EXPLODES to the song, Rock DJ. However, if I manage to get out at least once a month and strut my stuff, I’m sure that would suffice.
2. I want to score a position in the Supervisor in Training program (SIT) at my work. I feel like once I do that, opportunities will start coming at me every which way and I’ll finally get to be involved in the way we raise our next generation leaders.
3. I want to learn the ASL version of a song I really like — the song Feel, from Better Man. In case you haven’t guessed it already, I really, really like the movie Better Man.
4. I want to post consistently on this blog (say, 2-3 times a week), sharing insight into my shopping ban, my savings venture, my commitment to a more energized and mindful lifestyle, and my pursuit of a community that regularly stimulates and supports me. This is easily going to be the most challenging for me as I’ve mentioned before, but I truly believe it’ll serve to be the most beneficial.
5. I would like to be more intentional with the way I speak Spanish; I’m tired of learning it, I just want to speak it already, but I know there’s more work to be done on my end in order to live that reality, so here’s to hoping I can commit to practicing and studying more regularly.
6. I want to improve my vocals for the purpose of sharing my music. I can hear the voice of my soul telling me to get out more, but I’ve never been confident in my ability to sing. I know everyone has an audience and mine is out there, just waiting for me to get over this hurdle and step outside my comfort zone. So, I think I’d like to look into getting vocal lessons — just like the way Tom Cruise did for his film, Rock of Ages… Oh, Tommy. Swoon.
7. Then, I want to gather the courage to perform at a karaoke night, open mic night, or perhaps even a poetry night. And of course, if I like it, I would like to implement these events more regularly into my life (doesn’t have to be daily, maybe not even weekly, but often enough to where I can say, “Yeah! I do that.”). I want to be part of the scene.
8. I want to go on more hikes that include the green side of nature and at the same time, I’d like to practice the art of stillness. I want to acknowledge everything within arm’s reach and that takes time; I want to breathe in the air, feel its molecules enter my lungs and stare at the little details in the trees, the rocks, and the water. I want to just, be.
9. I want to travel more, and I’d like to find more opportunities to be independent because therein lies self-discovery and I’d like to make it a point to know who I am.
10. And lastly — for now — I want to run a half-marathon. I always pride myself on my stamina, but I’ve never ran for that long before. So, before this first year on the blog is up, I will.
Personal Check-In: What do YOU want? What would make YOU happy?

God knows I could keep going. In fact, something I’ve been struggling with this week is the balance between starting up the brain and turning it off; like I said earlier, I’m already overwhelmed with all the avenues and rabbit holes I’ve allowed myself to go down and fall into throughout the making of this blog. So much to do, but how to do it? What to tackle first and for how long. Should I set dates? How do I manage it all?

Questions I still don’t know all the answers to, but here’s how I’ve been starting.

Road Map to Productivity:

The Forest App: Focus for Productivity. An app that allows you to stay focused with a forest-growing take on the Pomodoro Technique (a practice of breaking work down into 25-minute intervals). This app keeps me off my phone and challenges me to remain consistent with my work.

Routine, and a Daily Tracker Checklist — A typical day for me now looks like this:
- Wake up at 6 a.m. and prepare my son to go to school and I to the gym.
- Gym, 30 minutes minimum. Some days, basketball, others running, perhaps one day a class, but on average, I tend to spend an hour participating in activity.
- Home, shower, eat, breathe.
- 1-2 hours of intentional blogging, content creation, or reading
- Work (≈6-8 hrs)
- Home, shower, eat
- Tuck my son into bed
- 1-2 hours of intentional activity: reading, blogging, content creation
- Bed by 10 p.m.
This routine has been essential for me as I take a major step back from being overly consumed by television. However, here are some tactics I will be utilizing going forward, along with the strategies I’ve been implementing so far.

1. Use the “Core Four” Method (Body, Mind, Heart, Pocket)
I’ll ask myself things like:

What can I do today that supports my health (Body)?
What will challenge or stimulate my thoughts (Mind)?
How can I build stronger relationships (Heart)?
What helps me secure my future (Pocket)?

2. Create Non-Negotiables

Choose 1 thing per category each week to commit to doing no matter what.
Everything else is flexible.

For example:

Body Go to the gym 5x/week minimum
Mind Read 10-20 pages of a book daily
Heart Call one friend or go to a social event
Pocket Continue shopping ban

Everything else I do in those areas can be flexible or spontaneous, but those four actions will act as my anchors — keeping me grounded and steadily moving forward in the right direction.

3. Track What Moves Me Forward

If it’s not leading toward my growth, aka the list of aspirations I composed earlier in this post, I need to ask myself why it’s on my plate. This will keep me accountable and ensure I’m being productive and not just ‘busy’.

So that’s where I’m starting. Not with perfection, but with purpose. This blog isn’t just a place for me to track my progress — it’s a safe space where I’ll get to process all the avenues embedded in my mind, to push myself, and to play. I’m not expecting every goal to be met right away, but I am committing to showing up, documenting the growth, the grind, and everything else in-between. If you’re reading this, maybe you’re on a similar journey — or maybe you’re just curious. Either way, thanks for being here.

Here’s to showing up, starting messy, and seeing it through.
— B.
Jöön, & The Two-Way Street.

June 3rd, 2025
“Don’t choose the better guy, choose the guy that’s gonna make you the better girl.”
— This Means War, 2012

Movies often tell us to make a pros and cons list when picking a partner, but what about making that list when it comes to picking our friends? It seems like a lot of people going through similar growth journeys end up coming to the same realization — people you choose to spend your time with can directly affect the nature of your environment.

If we’re looking for a space free from toxicity, then why do we often hang around the people who constantly nit-pick and judge others? At what point do we check-in with ourselves and evaluate such a prominent and ground-breaking question, how do our friends truly make us feel? What do they leave us with, when all is said and done? A feeling of peace and serenity? Or a taste no matter how much you brush your teeth right after, you can’t get rid of?

I get the feeling of not wanting to be alone, but why is it such a common tendency for us to want to be in the midst of a crowd yet allow ourselves to feel so lonely? Why do we constantly endure such a strange reality? I mean, how could we let this feeling become so popular? Surely, being alone can’t be that bad, right? Well, at the end of the day, I’d vouch to say it all just depends on where a person is at in their particular stage of life, but maybe that’s what makes the epiphany to change so sweet.

We all know hanging around the right people would make us feel better, but we ignore that fact until one day it just…hits. It becomes so clear and taking that first step back from the people who no longer serve us becomes a little easier. But having that initial pros and cons list is what helps us realize our ideal environment and what our needs are in any nurturing relationship.

However, no village can thrive if the road only runs one way — it takes two. So, something I’m learning as I write is to put my words into action and hold myself accountable to the same standard. Sure, research is nice and having what seems to be all the answers to my lingering questions is nicer, but what does it actually do for my life if I’m not implementing them?

Therefore, I’ve already expressed my desire for better friendships, but in doing research on what makes a good friend, I realized that as much as I point the finger on what my own friend group lacks, what am I actually doing to be a better friend myself? For instance, if I were to be confronted by one of my friends who thought I was being inconsiderate due to the audacity I’d have to describe them as lacking in drive or ambition and they were to ask me what I’m personally doing to be considered as driven or ambitious, what would I say as my answer? What am I actually doing? How can I feed and nourish my friends the same way I would like to be fed and nourished? Am I living by example? Am I leading by example? Am I encouraging them to be real go-getters and try new things? Am I showing up and being consistent when they need me to? How many calls have I allowed to go to voicemail? How many “I’m okay’s” have I let slide? Do I make my friends feel safe? Can they take a deep breath and exhale comfortably around me? What am I actually doing for them?

My head is spinning. The concept that I’m not meeting the standard makes me toss and turn in my sleep. Why haven’t I ever asked these questions before? And how can I checkmark all the boxes going forward? Why all of a sudden does it feel like I’ve only been thinking about myself?

Well, there’s only one thing left to do:

Take accountability.

And just like that, my goal to cultivate stimulating relationships just became a two-way street.
How to Be a Good Friend
1. Listen — Who knew? No, but really, how? With the intention to understand, that’s how, not just to reply. What are they saying? What does this conversation mean to them? What are they looking for, advice, validation, or just an ear? Be present.
2. Hold Space Without Judgement — Allow your friends to be messy, allow them to be unsure or unsettled; allow them to be complicated while still being loved. Give them the space to breathe, make them feel comforted. Love despite convenience. This builds an invaluable form of trust no money can buy.
3. Be Consistent — Be intentional in conversations, follow through on promises and always keep your word. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
4. Put Time into the Details — Remember their birthdays, the things they’re passionate about, and important dates they’re looking forward to. Things they’d be caught off guard if you remembered because they said it in such a whisper they didn’t think anybody could hear. Be the difference between an acquaintance and a family member.
But of course, I can’t just speak for myself, so I went out and actually spoke with some of the people in my village about what they wanted in a nurturing relationship.

Here’s what they said:

1.

I think I need someone who checks-in and asks to hang out as much as I do—makes me feel wanted and thought of. People with manners (considerate of others/social awareness) and intelligence really, those who are passionate about things and motivated to learn more or be surrounded by it.

2.

“Mostly an understanding of my autism, my health, and similar expectations in how we show up for each other… [But the reality is]…it depends. I think it’s fair to say that different members of your village have different roles. [In relation to my partner], he shows up for me by leading me to better, holding me up when I’m down, and sharing endless laughter. We communicate all day long through texts, Instagram memes, or phone calls and that’s how I prefer it at the moment. I’m sure that’ll change eventually but that’s what’s comfortable now.

I can’t lie and say I don’t expect unconditional love from my siblings but that’s just the kind of relationship we’ve fostered over the years. No matter how crazy I get and how dumb I can be, they’re always there for me and I never want that to go away. We talk pretty often about the smallest dumbest things, but we also ghost each other. We definitely don’t go more than a day without some kind of communication or interaction, though. I don’t see how we could.

From you, my expectations are a little different compared to some of my other friends. You have a lot on your plate dealing with a job and a family, and I know that the weight of your trauma carries on you pretty heavily; because of this, I don’t flinch when you don’t text me back or when you cancel our plans. It’s just how it is, and I don’t mind it. As long as I know you’re alive and well, that’s what matters most to me. However, if we start to hangout less than once every two months, I would definitely be sad bwahahahaha. I’m just glad that now we’re hanging out less with a group and it’s just us these days.

But from my other friends that carry less stress, I definitely get on them a little bit more when they ghost or cancel but that’s because I know they can handle it and they think it’s funny when I’m “jealous” lol.”

3.

Reliability. Like, “Hey, I’m here for you, you’re here for me.” And obviously they need to engage, emotionally, you know? Knowing that person is there for me when I need it and we can have fun together… Not to mention the feeling that they would drop everything they’re doing just to support me; like I have a friend who told me that if I started a business, he’d be all in – like even if my business was throwing money away, he’d be all in. That feeling of unwavering support. That’s what being a good friend means to me.

4.

I personally love a friend that can call me out on actions that upset them while still understanding I’m human and encourage me to be my best self.

Someone who’s quick to listen and slow to speak, when it’s needed. And someone who shows they care about me in actions rather than in words or things; even if it’s 2 am [— doesn’t matter], I know they will show up if I need them. Someone who would get out of bed for me if it’s an emergency.

Essentially, what I need in a friend is someone who tells me what I need to hear rather than what I want to hear, with love and respect always, of course. Someone who is honest, regardless of the outcome of honesty.

Someone who cares about the people I love, and that I can spend all day with, without feeling the need to always give 100% of my energy to. Someone that can just be, while I be, too.

5.

Honestly, this. Presence. Doesn’t even have to be in person – just knowing that after everything is said and done, we’re still here. There’s a sense of security in that and that’s pretty nice.

6.

It varies on the person, honestly. Enjoying their company is a huuuuuge part but making sure they compliment your company is more important to me personally.

Some people physically can’t be there when you need them to. Not because they don’t want to, though. But if I call, and you are available, and I ask for a moment of your time because I’m not doing too hot, [my expectation is that] you’re there for me.

I guess overall if you’re reliable in all aspects of my life, [then I know the friendship is good].
And though each response presented a well thought-out answer as to how I could better my approach at friendship, I wondered how I could track my progress in order to be certain I’m making a dent in becoming the kind of friend they need me to be.

Here’s how:
1. Journaling — This might be an autistic solution of mine but by keeping a small log of the times I’ve reached out to check in on a friend or the times I’ve showed up for them both physically and emotionally when it mattered the most, I can safely make the assumption that I am doing the work needed to show up for the people I care about.
2. Self-reflection — By taking a moment, whether it be after interacting with my friends or after a particular encounter, I can do a personal check-in and ask myself the following questions: Did I do what I said I would do for them? Was I being present in our conversations or was I distracted or on my phone? Was there a balance between us talking about each other’s lives or did I mainly carry the conversation by making it about myself?
3. Invite Feedback — Invite vulnerability. By asking if I’m showing up in the way they’re needing me to, I can reach a better understanding of where I’m at on the scale. Being a friend and having a friend are two different things. The same way I want the people in my corner to show up for me, the expectation is that I’m returning the favor; the truth is, everyone needs someone they can rely on.
After making the decision to cultivate a community in which I’d be emotionally nurtured and mentally stimulated, I realized that it wasn’t just good friends that I was wanted — I want to be a good friend, because that’s what makes a village.

And so, I’ll take the wheel; hold myself accountable and take the steps necessary to be the friend my friends deserve. It’s easy to want better relationships, but the real work begins when we ask ourselves how we show up, how we listen, and how we create space for others to be seen and supported. Because at the end of the day, community begins with us.

So, I invite you to reflect on your own village. In what ways could you be a better friend to those around you? And how do you create a safe space for your friends to be themselves?

Think about it.

Cheers,
B.

Body	Go to the gym 5x/week minimum
Mind	Read 10-20 pages of a book daily
Heart	Call one friend or go to a social event
Pocket	Continue shopping ban

Tag: heart

Jöön, Productivity & My Intention to Grow.

Jöön, & The Two-Way Street.