The thing about startups is… they’re exhausting. You know it, I know it, and that, I suppose, is why they’re not for the faint of heart. I mean, the moment we decide to start a project, that project becomes the thing that hijacks our mind; every thought thereafter becomes held hostage by the work — the vision, the pressure, and the hours you didn’t plan to give but somehow always do. It. demands. everything.

And the crazy part is, it always starts small, like a seed. You don’t notice it at first but different experiences that lead you back to that particular thought acts as a watering pail; slowly, that seed begins to sprout and from there, it’s only a matter of time before you have a nice view in your garden. One minute you’re thinking, “This could be cool,” and then it turns into a, “I need to write this down,” and then before you know it, you’ve written a whole outline on how to execute this vision- this, new dream of yours. You find yourself spacing out a lot more wondering when you’re going to be able to work on your new concept again and God forbid you have a better idea that’s more worthy of your time, because then the process starts over and that, is exhausting.

Uh oh, did I just out myself? I mean, here I am, spewing out blog posts, rambling on as I so often do for the sake of letting everything that’s going on in my head out.

You guessed it, I’m exhausted.

The truth is, I find myself restarting this process at least once a year. First, I wanted to start a podcast and call it The Big Shirt podcast because I wanted to wear big shirts and talk about the thoughts that stopped me in my tracks. Before that, I wanted to start one called Nonlinear You which would go over topics I’m pretty much going to cover in this blog, The Processing Mind. And before that, I wanted to make one called the Happy Body Podcast, because well, with the words happy body, happy soul being my tagline, I bet you can all assume that at the time, that’s exactly what I was looking for – and just like this blog, I wanted to share my journey to finding it with you as my audience.

From the Happy Body Podcast, I started a personal training business called, The Build Up Method, because I was freshly certified in fitness and nutrition and I wanted to educate people about getting healthy, the right way.

Before that, I wanted to make and sell pet products, so I made that idea official by calling my business, Say Fetch.

And earlier this year, along with The Big Shirt Podcast, I came up with another idea for ‘The Film Responder’ – my clever take on ‘first responders’, because I wanted to write reviews based on films and shows that covered, you guessed it, our heroes that don’t wear capes.

And the problem with all of these, is that I still think they’re all still really good ideas! I’ve made all the t-shirts, designed all the cover art, and publicly registered all the names, and yet here I am, doing it all over again because I thought this blog would be better.

And in all honesty, I don’t mind because I just really love coming up with names. Like, if I could make a living just doing that, that’d be enough for me. But that’s why I write, why I start over, and why this blog is called, The Processing Mind – because I am constantly looped in the process of my mind.

However, what I’m looking for now, is consistency. I want to do this. I want to make something of this, so there’s been a whole lot more planning in the background on this one. I like the name, I like what I’m doing, and I believe I have the stamina for it.

So, let’s dive in.

The Growth & Grind Report.

I’m going to keep this first one short because the truth is, this project is only a week old and I’m just warming up here.

The biggest victory I experienced in Mei is acknowledging that I have a problem, unfortunately in several areas of my life.

1. I don’t like where I’m at physically, with my weight.
   • After having my son, I became a very picky eater and suffer from many food aversions that have kept me from enjoying the foods I used to. I often find myself without cravings, too, which makes it harder for me to decide what to eat, leading me to wait until the last minute when my body is screaming at me for food and I give in to snacks and undesirable choices. So this, must change.
2. I’ve become lazy and unproductive.
   • My job is very hands-on and laborious so most times I use that as an excuse to do absolutely nothing on my down time. I love to sleep and watch tv and of course, that’s good in moderation, but my accumulation of hours on these two specific things are excessive. So this, must change.
3. The people I often choose to associate with, do not stimulate me.
   • Now, it’s important to note that although it’s not someone else’s job to stimulate you, it is important to hang around people who inspire and make you better. This is not to say that the people I tend to spend time with are not great people, because they are. I just feel like a lot of them are so comfortable with where they’re at in life that they’re merely sitting on the same steps I’m trying to climb. So this, must change.
4. My finances.
   • I’m 25, I’m married, and I’m a mom. I should know better. I have no savings, I spend too much of my excess income on things I don’t need, and I’ve recently stepped into the era of my life where travel doesn’t look so bad. The only problem is, I don’t have a handle on my finances. So this, must change.

I’m sure there’s more I can work on, but for the next year, these four will be my focus. My growth this month is the acknowledgement that change needs to happen and the grind is in the planning.

Although Mei’s come and gone, her epiphany remains.
I’m turning a new leaf, and this time, I’m setting the pace.
The air feels different, and the sun’s made her debut.

So, ready or not, everybody,
here comes Joon.